My new E-book “Me First” teaches how you can puts yourself first without being selfish. It is a place you can start learning about yourself and then addressing the world accordingly based off what’s appropriate for you. So you don’t always put yourself in the last place. Today’s conversation’s all about boundaries because a question came in asking. “I’m having trouble with this whole concept of boundaries. What do I have to do and how to execute it. I keep chickening out. How do you create boundaries?” It’s very simple. Everybody thinks about create boundaries in a hard way. Once you realize creating boundaries from a neutral place benefits both parties the guilt and the stress diminishes.
Breaking down boundaries is, number one, all about keeping you safe. It’s all about safety. That’s number one. You need to keep yourself safe. Last week I spoke about speaking up and how vulnerability is what makes you grow as a human being. Just putting yourself out there and getting beaten up consistently puts you down. We do not want that, so we have to create boundaries around keeping you safe. Once you create those boundaries, then things get easier and easier for you to come out of your shell. So, the first task is creating an inventory. List all the things that you don’t like dealing with and want to create boundaries around.
Then, you want to ask yourself, one question. Yes or no? Do I want to do this action or activity? If you don’t? It’s a hard no, just say “No. I’m not doing it”. NO is a full complete sentence by the way. “No. please Do not ask me to do that anymore”. If you just say “No” to that one request, that person might say it again later, now, if you say “please don’t ask me to do that because I won’t. I don’t feel comfortable doing it “. Remember, if you’re going speak up, tell them why.
If it’s a yes, that’s when your next step comes up. The next thing is to start a conversation about the request because this is not just about you, even though we are building a “Me First” reality. It’s about the balance between the person that you’re engaging. It’s a relationship. We’re not trying to be selfish. A proper ME FIRST mentality is about creating a balance where both of you win. That’s the game. That’s where a lot of people get it twisted. They see it as a selfish response. It’s not. This book is not about me teaching you to be selfish. My book “Me First” is all about you getting to balance your life with everyone around you. A life where they’re not beating up on you. They’re helping you. That’s what we truly want, right? Once you get to your yes, try saying something like this, “You know, I’m willing to do that, but we have to create some boundaries around it.”
It’s about finding the sweet spot. How can you work together to find a place where both win. By asking that question with the intention of finding the sweet spot, what you did is open up a space for a conversation. Your boundary will come out of that conversation. If you’re willing to work with your significant other, willing to work with your kid, willing to work with anyone around you, co-worker, boss, anything, you focus on creating a sweet spot. Saying statements like “I’m willing to make your request. I can do this. I feel comfortable doing what you asked of me. Then, are you okay with these boundaries, so I can feel comfortable doing it?”
So, the old way of doing boundaries work, but it can be stressful getting there. With statements like “This is how it’s going be.” Turns it into a conversation that your boundaries get created between both of you. Which then, it’s mutual. Then it’s balance. With Practice it’s something that will be easy for you to obtain. That’s the ideal way you want to create boundaries.
One last thing, If your issue is something that’s not so safe or has a little bit of danger involved, and you’re still willing to do it. The only thing that matters is the safety component.
Now that’s ideally what I want you to do. Play with this tip. Please comment down below and tell me what you think about creating boundaries. What is your style of creating boundaries? Finding the sweet spot by making a conversation is just one. I want you to start talking, communicating, giving other people the thought that you have a choice is the goal. So please, comment down below and say something. Here are a few examples, “This is what I think about boundaries. Tell me what you think about other people putting up boundaries”. How do I feel about the concept of boundaries or do you have any.
Hello, I am Patrick Lerouge owner of Evolve Restorative Therapy. I have a pain free concierge service that’s designed to get people to change their lives. Enjoy what they’re doing, how they’re doing it and feel good while doing it. And a lot of times you won’t even know that it’s happening because you’re just walking along and things are just becoming easier and easier to deal with. So I do that by teaching you my live pain-free process. My live pain-free process will get you to see the world completely different.
I’ll get you to see that your physical body is doing things differently because of the way that you’re dressing the physical body. And realizing everything that you’re learning within the physical body, you’re doing it to learn the language and the dialect that your body is speaking. Now that’s a cool concept. Completely different and we’ll talk about that more in the process itself. But the dialect that you speak is what you need to understand your body.
Now, in the mental aspect. The mental aspect gets you to see the world as different components. You seeing what’s happening outside in the world, and outside the world is going to happen, and your body is going to respond to it. You must take both of those and come up with what you want to do with it. By you seeing that consistently, you’re never caught by surprise. On the emotional side, you must always stay balanced. Staying balanced is a tricky aspect because you should understand what all the worlds are up too. What’s happening in the physical body, what’s happening in the mental body and they equate to what’s happening emotionally.
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